Mischief Kitchen
by kselzer
Summary: Bella and Edward battle it out in Mischief Kitchen, where sabotage and mayhem rank supreme. Loosely based on the T.V. show Cutthroat Kitchen. AU OCC
1. Prologue

**Mischief Kitchen**

**A/N: **This story will be written like a play. Stage directions are in parenthesis. The narrator is in italics. If the characters are talking their words will be in quotes. If they are just thinking then there are no quotes. I do not own twilight or its characters. Nor do I own Cut-Throat-Kitchen, which this story is based off of, or Alton Brown. I do however own Roman, my Judge.

**Prologue**

Bella and Edward, rivals from the same city, battle it out on Mischief Kitchen. Alton's sure to throw some twists and turns. But, will their hatred for each other get them both kicked off, or will they band together till the last round?

**Opening **(each player walks down the stairs to intro.)

_Let's introduce our competitors. First in the kitchen we have Chef Bella. _

Bella: "I hail from Vance, Washington. I am an executive chef at Fire Bridge. I'm 25 years old, single and a fire in the kitchen.

_Next we have Chef Marcus from Harper, New York._

Marcus: I am a caterer with a wife, Anne, and two kids, Cayden and Riley. If I win, the money will be put towards my kids college fund.

_Third we have Renneta._

Renata: "I'm from Floyd, Indiana. I'm married to my wonderful husband of two years, Martin. If I win we are taking a long vacation to the Caribbean.

_Last, but not least, we have Chef Edward, also from Vance, Washington._

Edward: "I'm the executive chef at Curry Palace. I'm 27 years old, single and ready to burn this place down."

(Alton comes down the stairs and stands in front of the main counter.)

Alton: "Hello chefs. Welcome to Mischief Kitchen; here are the rules. We will have three rounds. After each round, one of you will be eliminated. I will assign a new dish each round. When I finish explaining the dish, you will have 60 seconds to shop in our pantry. At the end of 60 seconds we will hold an auction. You will be able to bid on different instruments of torture to administer to your competitor of your choice.

However, before we get started, each of you needs your $25,000. In this case, (puts silver metal briefcase on table) I have $100,000. Two bundles each. (Competitors grab two bundles each.) I have counted and recounted so I know they are correct."


	2. Chapter 1 Round 1

**Mischief Kitchen**

**Round 1**

Alton: "Okay chefs, round 1. In this round I want an omelet. Now, an omelet shouldn't be too difficult, so you are going to have 30 minutes to make it. I'm assuming you all have your omelet idea ready. Grab your baskets and… (Opening pantry door) shop!"

(They all take off running for the pantry.)

Bella:I'm going to make a cheese omelet chock full of veggies. So, I grab a carton of eggs, some different peppers and a block of cheddar cheese.

Edward: I'm going to make a meaty omelet. I grab a carton of eggs, some pancetta and breakfast sausage. I decide to also make a hash so I grab so potatoes, fresh parsley chives, butter, garlic and onion.

Marcus: I'm going to make omelet with bacon and cheese and chives. I quickly grab the eggs and the rest of my ingredients.

Renata: My omelet is going to be spicy. So, I grab my eggs; some cayenne pepper, green peppers and pepper jack cheese. I also want to make an orange smoothie so I grab some fresh oranges, yogurt and honey.

Alton: "Chefs, you have 10 seconds left. 5, 4,3,2,1. Darn, no one caught. Oh well. Now, time for the auction. *knocks on dumb waiter.* First off, *looks in basket* oh, this is a good one. Whoever wins this basket can change their opponents' eggs with these: powder eggs, egg whites, or quail eggs. Who will give me $500?"

Bella: "$500"

Marcus: "$750"

Bella: "$1,000"

Alton: "I've got $1,000; will anyone give me $1,500? $1,000 going once, twice, sold. Low spenders today. Okay Chef Bella, bring me your money and pass these out.

Bella: I look at what everyone has. I think I want to keep Edward around; at least for another round. Renata has some heavy spics and Marcus' basket just looks bare. "Edward, big hands need little eggs, so you can have the quail eggs.

Edward: "There's something else these big hands would like to hold."

Bella: "Only in your dreams." He smirks back at me. "Renata, your basket looks spicy. This is a great way to showcase the egg whites."

Renata: if she thinks these are going to throw me off, she has another thing coming.

Bella: "And Marcus, your basket looks bland, so you can have the powder eggs."

Alton: "Let's see the second auction item. A soup pan. Whoever wins this can force one competitor to cook all of their food in this soup pan. We will start with an opening bid of $500."

Edward: "$500"

Renata: "$800"

Edward: "$1,000"

Marcus: "$3,000"

Edward: "$4,500"

Marcus: I just wanted to jump the bid. No soup pan is worth that much.

Alton: "Anyone else? No? O.k. Edward, bring me your money and give the soup pan to the chef of your choice."

Edward: "A little girl like you trying to cook an omelet in such a big pan makes me laugh. Here you go Bella.

Bella: "Why thank you Edward. It's just what I always wanted."

Alton: "Last one. This is my favorite. My daughter is a Girl Scout and one of the ways they learned to cook is with a Girl Scout stove. It's an upside down coffee can with a hole cut in it for the candle. Whoever wins this will have to use the Girl Scout stove as their only source of heat.

We will start the bidding at $500."

Renata: "$500"

Bella/Edward: I'm not going to bid on this. I've cooked on one before.

Marcus: I'm trying to save my money and I'm the least likely choice since I haven't sabotaged anyone.

Alton: "Sold to Renata for $500. You all are being very stingy with the cash today."

Renata: "Marcus, it seems like your cook station is missing something; so, here you go."

Alton: Okay chefs, you all have your auction items. Remember, the challenge is omelets. You have thirty minutes. Get cooking."

Marcus: I wasn't really anticipating having this cook stove. Now my plans change. Plus I have to deal with these powdered eggs. I get the stove started so it can heat up. I rehydrate the eggs and put a pan on the stove.

Bella: Luckily, despite Edwards wish, I can see into the pot. As my only sabotage I feel lucky. I'm honestly surprised Renata didn't give the Girl Scout stove to me since this pot would have never heated up or fit, making it impossible for me to cook.

Edward: Hmm, wonder if Bella has a soft spot for me. We are big rivals back in Vance. But we do tend to flirt every time we see each other. It's a love hate relationship.

"Hey Bella, how's that pot working out for you?"

Bella: "I'm not such a shrimp that I can't see what I'm doing. How are those little eggs working out?"

Edward: "They have just enough yolk to make cracking them worth it." That little comment gave me a blush; I do so love when she blushes.

Renata: Those two seem like love birds. I'll keep an eye on that. They'll either get each other out or knocking one out will throw the other off their game. I'm just glad we can taste our food, because with these egg whites I'm going to have a hard time not overthrowing the palate.

Alton: "Chefs, you have 15 minutes remaining. Don't forget to think about plating."

Bella: "How's the pot working chef," Alton asks. "It's good. It's a little hard to fold the omelet over, but it going to work in the end."

Marcus: "How's the stove working for you," Alton questions. "Honestly, it sucks. I'm just hoping to pull everything together."

Alton: "Well, you've got ten minutes left to figure it out."

Marcus: Well, I do have a drink I'm adding to it. Maybe that will gain me some favor.

Edward: "How about you chef," Alton asks. "Good, potato hash is ready and omelet is almost there so know I'm plating."

Alton: "You know hash wasn't necessary right?"

Edward: "Yeah, but who wants just an omelet for breakfast?"

Alton: "True, true. Let's see what the judge thinks. Five minutes remaining."

Renata: Crap, well at least it looks like an omelet. Hopefully it's not too spicy.

Alton: "5, 4,3,2,1. Hands up chefs, time to meet the judge. Today's judge is, Roman Cook from Ruben, New Hampshire. He's the owner of several food trucks and the executive chef and owner of Roman Ruben's. Roman, this round is all about omelets"

Roman: "Omelets are my favorite, so let's get to eating." He stops in front of Bella first. "And what's this my dear?"

Bella: "This is my semi healthy omelet with cheddar cheese and different peppers."

Roman: "Well, it looks like an omelet. Let's see how it tastes." He takes a big bite and begins humming and nodding his head. When he finishes the bite he says, "Delicious my dear. I love the plating, but it seems a little big for a breakfast."

Bella: "Thank you chef. My mom always said to eat like a king at breakfast."

Roman moves on to Marcus.

Roman: "And what do we have here chef?"

Marcus: "We have a simple Sunday brunch with an omelet and orange smoothie."

Roman: "Ah, trying to distract with the smoothie. Let's see what the omelet tastes like first since that is the challenge. It's not shaped like an omelet, but the biggest problem I have is the texture. It feels gritty. There is also no depth of flavor. Now, for the smoothie. Mmm, if this had been a smoothie challenge you would've won. The flavors mix well and it's very smooth. Good for Sunday brunch."

Marcus: "Thank you chef." I knew this would be a problem. Now I can only hope someone makes a bigger mistake.

Roman: He stops in front of Renata. "And what is your dish dear?"

Renata: "Mine is a spicy egg white omelet."

Roman: "Well, I'm not a big spicy person, but it does look inviting." He takes a healthy bite and coughs. "A little spicy for my palate."

Renata: "Sorry chef." Damn, Bella got me good with that one.

Roman: His last stop is in front of Edward. "Last omelet chef, whatcha got?"

Edward: "Mine is a meat lovers Quail omelet. It's full of pancetta and breakfast sausage; including a side of potato hash."

Roman: "Sounds good. We will see if it tastes that way. Okay, a little chewy; probably the Quail. It does have good flavor and this hash is fantastic."

Alton: "Okay Chef Roman, it's time to send someone home and me to take their cash back."

Roman: "This chef's omelet wasn't quite as flavorful and was a touch gritty. I'm sorry Chef Marcus."

Alton: "Chef Marcus, please return all $25,000, since you didn't bid."

Marcus: I wish I had bid some more. I definitely want a second shot where I could do things differently.


	3. Chapter 2 Round 2

**Mischief Kitchen**

**Round 2**

Alton: "The three of you have survived to the second round. Congratulations, now, on to the next round of torture. This time I'm feeling fish tacos. That perfect flakiness and crunch is what I'm seeking. I don't think you want to poison our guest judge so I will give you forty minutes to cook. After your sixty minutes of shopping we will hold our auction. Baskets in hand get ready, shop!"

Bella: Perfect fish taco. I will need tortillas, egg, flour, salt, pepper, Cod, garlic, lemon, and olive oil. I'll also need lettuce and tomato.

Edward: Fish taco. Blah. I love fish, and I love tacos, but not the two together. Shopping list: tortilla, salt, pepper, Sea Bass, tomato, garlic, onion, Chiles, oregano, lime, sugar and olive oil. I'll make a grilled sea bass taco with fresh salsa on top.

Renata: Mm, I love fish tacos. I make a great grilled Chilean Sea Bass with fresh salsa. So, I grab fresh Chilean Sea Bass, garlic, onion, tomato, Serrano Chile, hatch green chilies, lime juice, olive oil and of course, tortillas.

Alton: "Okay chefs times almost up, you have 3, 2, 1. Ahah, I caught a fish this time. Renata, I will take your lime juice. Get swimming little fishy. Now, your first chance at sabotage this round. What have we come up with? First we have, oh ho; you can take your opponents fish away and give them these to work with either, tofu or these pre-processed fish sticks. Who will give me $200?"

Renata: "$200"

Edward: "$500"

Alton: "I've got $500. Anybody willing to go to $700?"

Renata: "$700"

Edward: "$2,000"

Renata: He can have it.

Alton: "No one else? Here you go Chef Edward. Pick which torture to inflict on the chef of your choosing."

Edward: Well, by looking in their baskets I can see that Bella was going to go fried and Renata grilled. I can switch things up a bit. "Bella, you may have the tofu for your fried basket and Renata, you can have the breaded fish sticks for your grilled basket.

Bella: He'll get his. But I kind of want to cook against him in the third round. Maybe, I can get rid of Renata?

Alton: "Ah, our second sabotage is here and it's a doozy. Whoever wins this can force their opponent not to cook for the first 15 minutes of the competition. That is almost half of your cooking time. Who will give me $500?"

Renata: "$1,000"

Bella: "$2,000"

Renata: "$2,500"

Bella: "$3,500"

Alton: "$3,500 going once, twice, sold to Chef Bella. If you'll bring me your money chef, you can give this sign to the chef of your choosing."

Bella: "Thank you Alton. I think this sign looks best on Chef Renata's cook station.

Alton: "One more here. So, I told ya'll about my daughter the first round and with her help we have this auction item, a mess kit. The kit comes complete with a small 6 1/2 inch fry pan with cover (plate), boiling pot (only a ½ quart) 8oz cup, fork, butter knife and spoon. Whoever wins this can force one chef to cook solely with this, no other pans, pots or utensils. Who give me $1,000?"

Bella: "$1,000"

Renata: "$1,200"

Bella: "$1,500"

Renata: "$1,700"

Bella: "$2,000"

Renata: She can have it. Surely she knows I have enough sabotages.

Edward: I can cook with that if either of them gives it to me.

Alton: "$2,000 last chance. Going once, twice, sold to Chef Bella. Chef, if you'll bring me your money and take this to the person of your choice."

Bella: Renata has enough and this might trip Edward just enough. "Here you go Chef Edward. Have fun with such limited use and no sharp knife for such a beautiful fish. Don't butcher it too much."

Edward: "I don't butcher anything," I said with a quirky smile and nod of understanding.

Bella: God, he's such a brat. "I can't wait to hand you your ass chef."

Edward: "I know something else you could do with my ass Beautiful Swan."

Alton: "O.K. kids, time to cook. Forty minutes, minus Renata, starts now."

Edward: I started breaking my fish down immediately. This butter knife is going to take a while.

Bella: The tofu wasn't bad. It changed my plans a little bit, but not much. I seasoned it with salt, pepper, and lemon. Before starting on the aioli. I knew the flavors from the aioli would really spice the tofu up.

Renata: Fifteen minutes not cooking was killing me. But, with the fish sticks I decided to break them down and do fish patties with it. I will use the fryer to crisp them up.

….15 minutes in…

Alton: "O.k. Renata you can start cooking-now."

Renata: I immediately jump in and start breaking down the fish. I get my patties made and start on the salsa.

Bella: "How is that mess kit working out for you over there Chef Edward?"

Edward: "It's working out great Chef Bella. How's the tofu doing?"

Bella: "They are working perfectly; just absorbing flavors perfectly. What about your fish sticks Renata?"

Renata: Ya'll played right into my hand. It's going to be scrumptious."

Alton: "Five minutes chef's. You might want to start thinking about plating."

Edward: I had my fish tacos plated. The tortilla took a little work and one burnt finger, but everything was plated; even the salsa on top.

Bella: My tofu rendition of a fish taco was plated and I'm just hoping that the judge can't tell it isn't fish.

Renata: Everything came together, but I'm not proud of my fish patty. Hopefully the judge will love it.

Alton: "Ah, and here comes our judge. Welcome back Roman."

Roman: "It's good to be back something smells good."

Alton: "This round was fish tacos."

Roman: "Good, good. Let's get to tasting."

Alton: "First up Chef Bella. Please explain your dish."

Bella: "Today I have made a vegetarian fish taco with an aioli sauce and crunchy lettuce."

Roman: I take a bite, "It's very light and summery. By vegetarian I'm assuming its tofu?"

Bella: "Yes chef."

Roman: "So not really fish. But it does have good flavor."

Alton: "Next, Chef Renata."

Renata: "Today I have made a fried fish patty taco with fresh tomato salsa on top."

Roman: "I don't know about a taco patty, but let me see." After taking a bite I say, "Yeah not the best. The salsa has great flavor but the actual fish tastes processed."

Alton: "And now Chef Edward."

Edward: "Today I have prepared a petite grilled Chilean Sea Bass taco with fresh salsa and crunchy lettuce."

Roman: "Yours sound the freshest." A bite later, "That salsa has a kick, but I like it. The seafood tastes fresh; I just wish I had more."

Alton: "And now the hard part. You have to decide who goes on and who has to place their money back in the case."

Roman: "Well, even though it was small it had the best flavor, Edward you're on to the next round. Normally, I judge off taste. Going with that the person with the worst flavor was…Renata."

Alton: "I'm sorry Renata; you must return your money to the case and exit the kitchen."

Renata: This sucks. The challenge was fish tacos. At least my taco had fish in it.


	4. Chapter 3 Round 3

**Mischief Kitchen**

**Round 3**

Alton: "The last two standing. 'Two men enter, one man leaves.' This time I feel dessert is in order. Their cake with equal parts cake and icing; I'm talking cupcakes. You'll have fifty minutes to bake the perfect cupcake. This time you'll go straight from your sixty second of shopping to cooking. We will hold the auction as we go on. Ready, set, shop."

Edward: I'm going to make a dark chocolate cupcake that has a spicy chocolate icing filled with a berry reduction.

Bella: I'm going to bake my version of an apple pie cupcake. It's going to be a warm yellow cake stuffed with cinnamon/brown sugar reduced apples and topped with a cinnamon whipped cream.

Alton: "Okay, shopping time is almost gone. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Get to cooking"

Bella: I get started on my batter. Luckily this is something I've made before. I should be able to get the batter in the oven quickly, so it will have time to cool.

Edward: The only hope I have of beating her at a cupcake challenge is to sabotage her more. Unfortunately, she has more money than I do.

….Ten Minutes Into Baking…..

Alton: The first action item is this basket of different sweet and savory items. If you purchase this basket you can thrust upon your competitor the need to make both a sweet and savory cupcake. Who will give me $1,000?"

Bella: "$1,000"

Edward: "$3,000" I cannot afford to have to bake two delicious cupcakes, especially a savory one.

Bella: Just to jump the price, "$3,500." I know I can bake two no problem, be he is going to pay for it.

Edward: "$5,000"

Alton: "Chef Bella, do you want to bid?"

Bella: I shake my head no.

Alton: "Ok, going once, twice, thrice, sold to Chef Edward. I'll take you money chef, you give this to her.

Edward: "My pleasure. A gift of destruction for the beautiful Bella."

Bella: "Why thank your, but there's no need for redundancy."

Edward: "Huh?"

Bella: "You called me beautiful beautiful. I'm not special enough like Burgermeister Meisterburger."

Edward: "Yeah, maybe, but only you would quote a cartoon movie."

Alton: "Is there something going on between you two?"

Bella and Edward: "What do you mean chef?"

Alton: "Never mind, keep cooking."

…..Twenty Five minutes into Cooking…

Alton: "And it's time for the next auction item. I hope your stuff is done in the oven, or you will have to find some other way to finish because this auction allows your opponent to take away your use of the oven. We shall start the bidding at"

Bella: "$2,000" I can't afford to start over with two cakes to cook.

Edward: "2,500"

Bella: "$5,000"

Edward: "5,500"

Bella: "$7,000"

Alton: "Finally, some bidding. $7,000 do I hear $7,500?"

Edward: "No."

Alton: "And the lady wins for $7,000. I'll take your cash Milady and you give him the sign. Edward, take your cupcakes out of the oven. Good luck."

Edward: "Yeah, I'm going to need it." Luckily I know how to make a microwave cupcake. It won't take long to make so I turn my focus to the berry reduction.

Bella: "So, you aren't even going to bother making a cupcake?"

Edward: "I have a few tricks up my sleeve missy. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

Bella: "Yeah, I know I don't have to worry about it, because, my two cupcakes are going to beat your non-existent cupcake."

Edward: "We'll just have to see about that."

…Thirty Five Minutes in…

Alton: "Another sabotage my valiant chefs. Whosoever wins this lovely assortment of rock candy can replace all the sugar on their opponent's side with rock candy as its substitute."

Bella: The only thing I need sugar for is my whipped cream. I'm not going to bid on this. I will just crush some up and sprinkle it over the top or add some to my apple pie filling.

Edward: I cannot have this in my icing; the rock candy will make it too gritty.

Alton: "We shall start bidding at $700."

Edward: "$700."

Bella: "He can have it."

Alton: "Wow, so chivalrous Chef Bella. Okay, you get the candy and I will take Edwards money."

Bella: I get the coffee grinder, break off some rock candy and get it ground up. I turn up the heat and melt the powder so I can add it to the pie filling. I also keep some of the ground sugar so I can Brule the whipped cream.

Edward: I throw my microwave cupcake batter into cook and when it comes out I throw it into the blast chiller so I can fill it.

Bella: My cupcakes come out of the cooler. I bore out a hole and scoop some of the apple pie filling in. Then I squeeze on the whipped cream throw a dash of sugar on it and torch it to a golden brown. By the time Alton calls time I have both cakes; the sweet apple pie with cinnamon whipped cream and the savory bacon cupcake with maple frosting.

Edward: I have everything plated just as Alton calls time.

Alton: "Okay chefs; bring your plate up here. It's time to see who has won Mischief Kitchen. Roman, our last round was cupcakes."

Roman: "You know I love cupcakes, but only if they don't have a mountain of icing."

Edward: "Today, I have prepared a dark chocolate cupcake filled with mixed berry compote and topped with a spicy chocolate icing."

Roman: "Well it sounds delicious. Hmm, the cake is moist, a little soggy from the compote. The icing has a good balance. However, I don't see quite where the berry compote fits in."

Alton: "Chef Bella, your turn."

Bella: "Chef Roman, today I have prepared for you two cupcakes, on savory and one sweet. The savory on is a bacon cupcake topped with a maple frosting. The sweet one is an apple pie cupcake, warm yellow cake, stuffed with cinnamon brown sugar, reduced apples and topped with a cinnamon whipped cream."

Roman: "Based on how you describe them it almost seems as though the savory cupcake was an afterthought. But, we shall see. Hmm, the savory one has a great bacon flavor. The maple icing isn't too sweet. Over all it was a nice cupcake. Nice meaning it didn't blow me out of the water. Now for the sweet one. The sweet cupcake is better. It tastes like moms apple pie. My only complaint is a little too much cinnamon.

Alton: "Okay Chef Roman, time for the hard part. Whose money goes back in the case and who walks out with the title of champ and their remaining money?"

Roman: "A hard choice indeed, but the chef with the least amount of problems in my book would be…Chef Bella."

Alton: "Unfortunately Chef Edward, that means your money, all $12,300, must go back in the case."

Edward: After returning the money I take the walk of shame. But I wouldn't change a thing. Besides, Bella and I will always have the town of Vance.

Alton: "And that means you Chef Bella, get the title of sole survivor of Mischief Kitchen and winner of $13,500."

Bella: I'm so excited to win. I'm sad to see Edward go, but we will always have Vance. And who knows, anything is possible.


End file.
